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[ Watch The Birdie II, Revenge Of The Feathery Thing (Page 13) ] Before we get into this week's writeup, I'd like to present a little trifle called And The Funny Part Is That One Of Them Gets To Go To Playoffs - A Tribute To The 2004 NFC North. Let's see the amazing achievements of this fine collection of men in full, shall we? Green Bay Packers - 4-7 Way to try and secure that 65th draft pick for me, Lions! Individual praise has to go to the Bears' league-worst defence (306 points at 27.8 per game), and the Lions' league-worst offence (a staggering 142 points, or 12.9/game). Both these teams have, however, cheated a bit in that they've both lost their starting halfback for a big chunk of the season. Chicago have stolen even more of an unfair advantage when Rex Grossman was knocked out last week with a sprained ankle that'll keep him out for 9 weeks and puts the offence in the hands of serial season-wrecker Kordell Stewart... Hang on. 9 weeks? With a poxy sprained ankle? What a big girl's blouse. I think he just doesn't fancy another five games of this bollocks. But the Packers and Vikings have done this the hard way, with no injuries of any real significance. Yeah, Na'il Diggs and Donald Driver are done for the season, but the Pack still have Favre, Green, Franks, an outstanding o-line and a defence that's better than ours in every single department, while the Vikes have Culpepper, Moss, Bennett, Hovan and the rest all present and correct. For teams with that much talent to suck quite this badly is an amazing effort, quite frankly. "Ah," you say, "they must have all had absolutely rock-hard schedules, then." Err... no. Even accounting for the fact that they get to play each other, not a single team in the NFC North has opponents whose net wins are higher than their net losses. Which makes their effort all the more impressive, I think you'll agree. NFC North - I salute you! - Anyway, back to your regularly scheduled programming: Week 13 – Arizona Cardinals (8-3) @ San Francisco 49ers (5-6) Strengths On defence, the key man is obviously #81. It's going to be a big test for rookie corner Jed Bowden, who we'll try and get help to as much as humanly possible. The other issue is to ensure we keep an eye on Jeff Garcia in the pocket, because our linebacker corps isn't the quickest and it's possible he could do an awful lot of damage to us on the ground if we get sucked into over-pursuing. - So. Sunday Night Football at The Park Formerly Known As Candlestick, and it looks like the vast majority of 49er fans have elected to sit home and watch on TV. Which seems a bit fickle to me, given that their team are only a game below .500, but, you know. With St. Louis and Seattle winning early it's absolutely vital that we take a win away from here to keep pace. It'd be nice to put down a bit of a marker and show the watching kajillions what we're capable of, but you know, let's not run before we can walk. A 2-0 win, with the score coming in overtime after Garcia and Owens have a spat that ends with TO nicking the ball off the centre and deliberately scoring in his own endzone would do me very nicely, ta for asking. The Niners win and take the ball to start the game, but can go only so far and no further, the drive stalling when Jeff Garcia tries to force the ball in to his best mate despite double-coverage. The punt's out the endzone, and our offence gets a go. Five straight carries from Marcel Shipp net 2 first downs, the second a very sweet 8-yard draw out of the shotgun on 3rd and 4. Shipp gets one more go, then Bryant Johnson beats Nate Webster clean off the snap, slants into space, Jeff Blake hits him perfectly in-stride and the big guy's gone, outrunning safety Tony Parrish 28 yards to the endzone. Sweet. ARI 7-0 SF The first quarter expires without further scoring, but just a couple of plays into the 2nd Garcia fires too low toward Tai Streets on the out, and Tay Cody picks the pass off. Once again, Shipp does the hard grind and a wideout gets the glory - Anquan Boldin this time, using his body to keep Webster away from the ball as he snags a 12-yard pass to double our advantage.
It gets worse, as well. On San Francisco's next play from scrimmage, Garcia goes looking for his tight-end down the seam, a route that's been pretty productive so far. LOLB Raynoch Thompson, who's been overshadowed all year by his partner Levar Fisher, reads the pass, scrambles out of his zone, closes well on the ball and makes the interception, returning to the 35. The ball hits the deck as he goes down, but he winds up recovering it, and though it looks like his knee was down, he ends up recovering it, so I'm not going to waste a challenge... Although Dennis Erickson is, it seems. Eh? Am I missing something, here? No, it doesn't look like I am. The ref duly overrules the fumble, meaning that we keep the ball, er, exactly where we would have had it anyway. Thanks, Dennis, you senile old duffer. I s'pose at least you feel you're contributing now. In a reversal of our first two scores, this time it's Macca and Johnno that get us close and Marcel who caps it off, and that's pretty much it for the first half - the 49ers getting Garcia battered as they seemingly give up on the running-game altogether, while we're content to sit on what we have and not take risks trying to extend the lead. Halftime, then, ARI 21-0 SF - Bloody hell. This is a bit wild. The team get the traditional, jovial "if you lose from here I'll have your families executed", and are sent back out for the second half. Just as we look like we're getting into a position to add to the lead, Macca is tackled near the left sideline at the San Fran 33, the ball pops free and is pounced on by Nate Webster, who's been feeling a bit picked-on up to now. I lob the flag, and the reply seems to show that Shaun's knee was down well before the ball came loose, but the officials are plainly feeling a bit sorry for the Niners at this point and the call stands. Idiots. A bit of a blown coverage allows Garica to hit his rookie receiver David Sparks deep, then he goes looking for Fred Beasley out of the backfield, but his pass bounces off the fullback, up and off Adrian Wilson who's come steaming in for the potential pick then, finally, back into Beasley's hands allowing him to get to our 13 before Wilson can make the ground up again. Lucky, lucky, lucky. Even with God seemingly playing as San Fran's twelfth, thirteenth and fourteenth men, though, we hold them for 3 downs, setting up a 4th and 7 at our 10. I dunno. Their first visit to our red-zone in two and a half quarters, 21 points down to a prolific offence at home... I'd have thought about going for it here. Not Dennis Erickson, though, who takes the safe option and with 5 minutes left in the third, his team are on the board. ARI 21-3 SF Following the kickoff, we spring a little surprise on the 69ers by passing on first down for roughly the second time all game. Once again, Johnno gets off the line without Nate Webster laying so much as a finger on him, once again Blake puts the pass right on the money and once again Johnson races away from the pursuit all the way to the endzone - 75 yards this time. Four scores down, now, if the 69ers are even considering getting back into this, they need a touchdown right frigging now. Jeff Garcia's getting no help at all, but is still giving it all he's got. An 8-yard scramble sets up 3rd and 2 at his own 28, he fakes the hand-off but the coverage is great, meaning he has to take off yet again. Levar Fisher does a terrific job getting across to cover, and makes no mistake with his tackle - 4th and about a foot, the Niner 29, 3 minutes left in the third, 28-3 down... there's only one possible choice to make, here - and Erickson makes the other one. In comes the punt unit, those three hardy souls who're still in the stands start heading for the parking lot, and the entire Arizona coaching staff is walking up and down the sideline, flapping their elbows and shouting "BWAAAAAWWK! Buck-buck BWAAAAAAAWWK!" Technically there's another quarter of play, in which Shipp adds his second score of the game and then heads to the sideline along with Jeff Blake, Anquan and Johnno, before Shaun McDonald notches what is, surprisingly, his first TD in Arizona colours. On offence it's been Jeff Blake's day - 15/18 for 271 yards and 3 scores, his rating a perfect 158.3 - but on defence a lot of the lesser lights have shone for the national audience - a pick and a sack for Raynoch Thompson, two sacks for underachieving rookie DE Larry Dickerson and a controlled, mature performance from his fellow rookie, corner Jed Bowden, who held Terrell Owens to 2 catches for 13 yards. Final score ARI 42-3 SF, we're up to 9-3. Nice. [
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